Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Erbatux Ugly Stick Strikes Again

Now that I'm back on chemo after the post surgery hiatus, the one drug - Erbatux - has christened me once again with that nasty rash all over my face- red, tight, itchy, ugly. But, that reaction does mean that the drug is "working".

I don't look in the mirror very often, so when I do, I am sometimes taken aback by what I see. I don't "dwell" on all the changes that Cancer and Chemo have done to my body, but it is sometimes a shock:

Emaciated: Cancer skinny is just plain ugly. There is no joy being under 100 lbs, hard, bony and saggy skin. I used to be doughy and curvy now I'm all hard angles. I miss my regular clothes, although it was mostly work clothes.

How Dry I Am: Chemo does a number on your skin. It's sooooo dry and itchy. Sandpaper texture.

Hair? I haven't lost all the hair on my head but it's pretty sparse. I wear doo-rags most of the time and my wig. I look like Beetle Juice or Krusty the Klown. My eyebrows have gotten really course and my eyelashes have grown, which seems odd. I'm still on the fence about shaving my head. If it's decided I'll be on several more rounds of Chemo after my Pet Scans November 6th, then I might just shave it all.

It's just so hard to recognize myself sometimes. I know I'm still "me", I know people don't see me the way I see myself, it's just a shock sometimes.

On another note: 2 more weeks of Chemo then the PET and CAT Scans the 1st week of November.

My prayers for the week: to overcome the slight nausea and other gastro issues I'm having the past few days; to get my butt in gear and tackle the mounds of medical paperwork.




  1. Peggy, baby, sorry about the rash, but glad to hear its working. Last night Sarah said God, bless mommy's friend Peggy when we said our goodnight prayers, she also had MooMoo pray too and it was then I realized MooMoo needs a wash badly! No words of inspiration back at you today, but know that I am thinking of you and praying for you today. Luv ya! Kirsten

  2. (((((((((((((((((Peggers))))))))))))))))))))

    Just giving ya a hug my friend:)

    Love ya!


  3. You have been in my thoughts through all my travels of late. Was hoping to see you tonight at PF Changs. Is there anyway you could come? Could I pick you up?


  4. Don't beat yourself up with that Erbatux Stick to badly - you're always beautiful to all of us who love you.

    Praying for your nausea, gastro and paperwork issues to resolve quickly.

    more ((((HUGS)))) from your poofy headed Go-Go
    Lori Lu ♥

  5. It's a awful battle ... sending you strength and courage.

  6. Your post tells it like it is... there are a lot of changes with Chemo to hair, skin texture and color, body weight, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help... from the Oncology nurse,doctor and nutritionist They will have suggestions for you on how to minimize the side effects. I hope things go better from you. In the meantime... a big hug across cyberspace.