Thursday, April 29, 2010

Time To Re-Focus and Lay Out the Gratitude List

I've been in a funk since my surgery. I'm cranky, I'm still fatigued and healing, I'm emotional and just plain lost.

As I was showering this morning, it hit me like a brick - One year ago, I needed Lee to help me take a shower: He wrapped my emaciated body in saran wrap to protect the ostomy bag; He installed a hand-held shower wand so I could sit on the shower chair since I was too weak to stand for very long.

I took a look back at a post I wrote in May and I listed things I Missed:

  • Food on My Terms
  • The way food USED to taste.
  • Wiping My Ass
  • My "Before" Clothes
  • Wearing MakeUp/Clear Skin
  • Stamina
  • Q-Tip Satisfaction: I no longer produce ear wax, no need to Q-tip. Freaky, I know.
  • Fitting into my Bras- I used to somewhat dislike my large Marges, now I miss them 
  • Diet Pepsi: The bubbly, crisp, sweet drink in the middle of the work day. I drank maybe 3 per week, not a soda-aholic by any means. Any carbonated drink tastes like acid.
  • Ketchup: How can I eat my diet of hamburgers without it? i need a condiment, damn it. The acidity of the tomato is not a pretty thing for my tongue, throat, tummy. On the same vein, I miss MY homemade Spaghetti Sauce.(gravy, for my Italian friends). My red sauce was soooo my comfort food.
Except for 1-2 items listed, I either have all those things back, or almost back.

  • The simple act of taking a shower, unassisted is so much more satisfying now.
  • I don't need to go into detail about how grateful I am to NOT have an ostomy bag, I gave you all much too much detail last year!
  • Picking up Michaela from school
  • Eating together as a family

The little things that were unavailable to me one year ago are now an abundant blessing one year later.





  1. Good reflections, Peggy, of how far you've come. It will encourage many.

  2. You have had an incredible journey this past year - in many ways a very negative one. Despite the difficulties that you faced you were able to hone in on the parts of life that really truly matter: love of God, family, and friends. I'm glad that you have shared your tough times so that those of us who seem to be skipping along merrily can stop and focus on those same blessings and all the other little blessings that fill our days without our recognition. What a gift you have shared with us. Thank you! Sarah and Sean