Friday's Chemo Un-Hook- Haunting Image

I am VERY thankful that I was not sitting in Chairs all day getting juiced. I was in & out for the un-hooking of my 48-hour at home juice.

I take a seat in Chairs and am immediately hit with really, really strong emotions.

First of all, the area is really brightly lit, harsh lights, and every chair was filled. Also imagine the constant "dinging" of the chemo bags/IV's. Anyway, directly across from me, a man is in a reclining wheelchair, getting his Chemo infusion. He seemed like he was a large man- tall, bald of course, but he had lots of dark spots and bruising on his arms and hands. His son was with him.
I couldn't look at him. He looked like death.

Directly to the left of this gentleman, a drape was 3/4 of the way closed, hiding what appeared to be a small elderly woman in the chair. All I saw was her hand, stuck with the IV, so small and old and it looked like it held all the sadness of her condition, just in that image.

I looked at Lee, started crying. It was just a startling, raw sensory experience in the Chemo Hospital - it felt like the "worst of the worst" were plopped together that day. It made me sooo sad.

As I sat on the bench outside waiting for our car, Mary, one of the check-in clerks at Chemo, was sitting there also.

"Hey, Mary, TGIF, girl. "

"Yes, I start at 6:30 am, so I am ready for the weekend"

"Mary, can I ask you something? Was it a particularly sad day today in Chemo? I was just in there for 5 minutes, but I am feeling something so acutely sad right now"

"Yes Mrs. Luckey, I have the same feeling. It was a rough day today"

Turns out Miss Mary has worked at Loyola in Cancer Ward for 22 years. She lost her Mom to cancer when she was a child. Had no resources, no one to help her & siblings understand. She also does Hospice Volunteering.


Don't worry about me when I write about some of the darker, or sadder experiences in my journey. My MO is to keep my spirit and humor at the forefront as it is sooo healing. But sometimes I have to put it out there - the raw feelings and images.

More Food Centric Photos

Friday Night, dinner with my Family at Robertos's on Spring Road in Elmhurst. The Luckey clan and Mom & Dad Dean chowed down.

My dad & I split the Veal Marsala - sooo tender, yum. I actually ate something HEALTHY - lentil soup - DELISH. I may have to start stalking them as my new Soup Provider!

Ladies Who Lunch

My friend, angel, college room mate - Julie Dillon, spent the afternoon catering to Colon Cancer Chemo girl. We got a few errands in town out of the way but the highlight of course is FOOD.

We dined at Cafe Amano, a lovely restaurant across from the Train Station in Elmhurst. Food was delish. In an effort to eat calories, I ordered something I really don't like or would ever crave - Pesto Gnocchi with apple/gouda sauasage. It was delish!

Here's my gorgeous friend Julie - Julie - I don't want to embarass you "in public" but I count you as one of my true Heros in my life, for so many reasons I couldn't even start to write. Your friendship is but one of the most important and abundant Blessings In my life.

xoxox Peggy

Happy Birthday To Me, happy Birthday To Me

Went to church this morning with my mom- haven't been in months. Felt Good, and Father Tony gave me another one of his fabulous blessings. That man has the gift of saying exactly the right thing. He is a treasure for Mary Queen Parish.

Saw Dan Roan and his wife in church - he's a WGN Sportscaster in Chicago, lives in Elmhurst, kids at York HS.

Got Fab gifts from my awesome family: Started a Pandora bracelet for me, a memory card for my camcorder (which was actually a service award gift for my 20 years at C&W), and some Gift Cards to Ann Taylor and Anthropologie for some much-needed clothes.

Then tonight, dinner at Robertos with the family and Mom & Dad. Yummy!

Another Yay-Boo Tale, actually it's Boo then a Big FAT YAY

4th Full cycle of Shrinky juice yesterday. On full cocktail day, the routine is:

• Blood work (wait an hour for results)
• Oncologist (goes over blood work and answers my questions)
• Chemo

Here's the "BOO" part of the story:

I had a list of random questions for Dr. Lo, and one of them was clarification on the "plan" for me. My recollection (which is very very iffy) was I was to be on Chemo probably a year or so, get the liver tumors shrunk and cut those bad boys out. The way I understood, or interpreted her answer was, "yeah that's the goal, but who knows if we'll ever be able to operate, nothing is for certain"

Well, for some reason I just lost it and was sobbing. I felt like she was telling me, by NOT telling me - " Girl, you are so advanced, let's just work the program and see what happens"

The even sadder part, was my Dad was with me for chemo that day. It was his first time, and he wanted to meet the Oncologist, and here I am, sobbing in my Daddy's arms. It was the FIRST time I really thought bad thoughts thru this Cancer Crap.

Now for the Yippee-Yahoo Yay:

Lee called Dr.Lo to get a re-cap and more lucid recollection of our conversation. She said that my Cancer Marker taken in the blood work every 2 weeks had gone from an initial HIGH of 1400 to it's current 68. She told lee "that is marvelous, she's doing great and responding so well to the chemo."

I'm going to ask the Dr. to start using fricking-fracking ADJECTIVES with me. I need adjectives, I need her to match my energy and linguistic needs. Granted, she didn't have the results in when I spoke with her, but I went from 1400 to 200 (2 weeks ago) to 68.

Dr. Lo told Lee that it's very typical for patients, when they start feeling BETTER, they start THINKING worse. So maybe I should go "talk" to a Shrink. I'll think about it.

Katie is having me commit to a guided imagery course, to get the tools to turn my brain off, positive images and energy etc.....Sleeping is some what elusive as well. I get 5-6 hours on a sleeping pill, but I need waaaay more.

My progress has to MEAN something, doesn't it? Damn It if I'm going thru this shit for nothing.

To quote a line from a Desperate Housewives Episode : Screw Cancer, I'm Peggy Luckey, damn it!!"

So, I went from sad, to mad to back on track in 24 hours.

YAY!!!

XOXOX Peg

Michael, Julia(Katies' kids) and my Colleen