Sunday, May 31, 2009

Friday's Chemo Un-Hook- Haunting Image

I am VERY thankful that I was not sitting in Chairs all day getting juiced. I was in & out for the un-hooking of my 48-hour at home juice.

I take a seat in Chairs and am immediately hit with really, really strong emotions.

First of all, the area is really brightly lit, harsh lights, and every chair was filled. Also imagine the constant "dinging" of the chemo bags/IV's. Anyway, directly across from me, a man is in a reclining wheelchair, getting his Chemo infusion. He seemed like he was a large man- tall, bald of course, but he had lots of dark spots and bruising on his arms and hands. His son was with him.
I couldn't look at him. He looked like death.

Directly to the left of this gentleman, a drape was 3/4 of the way closed, hiding what appeared to be a small elderly woman in the chair. All I saw was her hand, stuck with the IV, so small and old and it looked like it held all the sadness of her condition, just in that image.

I looked at Lee, started crying. It was just a startling, raw sensory experience in the Chemo Hospital - it felt like the "worst of the worst" were plopped together that day. It made me sooo sad.

As I sat on the bench outside waiting for our car, Mary, one of the check-in clerks at Chemo, was sitting there also.

"Hey, Mary, TGIF, girl. "

"Yes, I start at 6:30 am, so I am ready for the weekend"

"Mary, can I ask you something? Was it a particularly sad day today in Chemo? I was just in there for 5 minutes, but I am feeling something so acutely sad right now"

"Yes Mrs. Luckey, I have the same feeling. It was a rough day today"

Turns out Miss Mary has worked at Loyola in Cancer Ward for 22 years. She lost her Mom to cancer when she was a child. Had no resources, no one to help her & siblings understand. She also does Hospice Volunteering.

Don't worry about me when I write about some of the darker, or sadder experiences in my journey. My MO is to keep my spirit and humor at the forefront as it is sooo healing. But sometimes I have to put it out there - the raw feelings and images.

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