Another Yay-Boo Tale, actually it's Boo then a Big FAT YAY

4th Full cycle of Shrinky juice yesterday. On full cocktail day, the routine is:

• Blood work (wait an hour for results)
• Oncologist (goes over blood work and answers my questions)
• Chemo

Here's the "BOO" part of the story:

I had a list of random questions for Dr. Lo, and one of them was clarification on the "plan" for me. My recollection (which is very very iffy) was I was to be on Chemo probably a year or so, get the liver tumors shrunk and cut those bad boys out. The way I understood, or interpreted her answer was, "yeah that's the goal, but who knows if we'll ever be able to operate, nothing is for certain"

Well, for some reason I just lost it and was sobbing. I felt like she was telling me, by NOT telling me - " Girl, you are so advanced, let's just work the program and see what happens"

The even sadder part, was my Dad was with me for chemo that day. It was his first time, and he wanted to meet the Oncologist, and here I am, sobbing in my Daddy's arms. It was the FIRST time I really thought bad thoughts thru this Cancer Crap.

Now for the Yippee-Yahoo Yay:

Lee called Dr.Lo to get a re-cap and more lucid recollection of our conversation. She said that my Cancer Marker taken in the blood work every 2 weeks had gone from an initial HIGH of 1400 to it's current 68. She told lee "that is marvelous, she's doing great and responding so well to the chemo."

I'm going to ask the Dr. to start using fricking-fracking ADJECTIVES with me. I need adjectives, I need her to match my energy and linguistic needs. Granted, she didn't have the results in when I spoke with her, but I went from 1400 to 200 (2 weeks ago) to 68.

Dr. Lo told Lee that it's very typical for patients, when they start feeling BETTER, they start THINKING worse. So maybe I should go "talk" to a Shrink. I'll think about it.

Katie is having me commit to a guided imagery course, to get the tools to turn my brain off, positive images and energy etc.....Sleeping is some what elusive as well. I get 5-6 hours on a sleeping pill, but I need waaaay more.

My progress has to MEAN something, doesn't it? Damn It if I'm going thru this shit for nothing.

To quote a line from a Desperate Housewives Episode : Screw Cancer, I'm Peggy Luckey, damn it!!"

So, I went from sad, to mad to back on track in 24 hours.

YAY!!!

XOXOX Peg